yuuo: (Happy hurts sometimes)
I spent most of last night crying and trying to figure out what I did to deserve hurting like this.

In my now slightly more rational moment, I need to tell everyone- all of us -who suffers from a mental illness.


It's not our fault.


It's not. We didn't do anything to deserve this, this isn't divine punishment for some wrong we did as children. This isn't part of some great 'plan' that includes human suffering for no good reason. It simply is something that happened, just like some people get cancer, or have diabetes, or are born with a brain degenerative disorder.

But lord, does it hurt. And it's okay to hurt. And it's okay to cry. (Yes, I stole that line.)

Please, if you are suffering, find a doctor. If you are suffering and need help to stay safe, call a suicide hotline- I'll list some below -or go to your local mental health ER. They're not always the best, but you might get lucky and get one like mine.

It's not your fault.

And you shouldn't have to suffer. Certainly not alone.

We're in this together.




Suicide Hotlines

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Call 1-800-273-8255
(Also has chat feature; hit up google to find it.)


http://www.suicide.org/suicide-hotlines.html
(A list of hotlines by state)


Suicide.org
1-800-SUICIDE
(1-800-784-2433)


Military Veterans Suicide Hotline:
1-800-273-TALK
(Press 1)


Suicide Hotline in Spanish:
1-800-273-TALK
(Press 2)


LGBT Youth Suicide Hotline:
1-866-4-U-TREVOR


http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
List of lines for outside the US


Or, call 911, or go to your nearest Mental Health ER


Please, get help. We don't have to feel like this.
yuuo: (You knew the deal- no one gives a damn)
Said to an in-law on Facebook. Cousin-in-law said he hated dealing with crazy people- crazy people turned out to be unmedicated mentally ill person. Cousin-in-law's mother replied with 'there's a world of them out there.'

Excuse you.

"About 18% of the American population is affected by anxiety- that's over 40 million, many of them my generation- the millennials -and the ones after us. Depression affects 6.7% of the population- that's over 15 million of us. 2.6% for bipolar- over 5.7 million. 1% affected by schizophrenia - 3.2 million. Worldwide, 1.5 million more will be diagnosed with that this year. My disorder is schizoaffective- we're about the same as schizophrenia, a little less, actually.

Yes, there is a whole world of us out there. And we're suffering. We're suffering and too many of us aren't getting any help, or the help we're getting is insufficient. I just had a medicine change because I was suffering from violent psychosis again. We had to up my anti-psychotic and take me off my anti-depressant because it's the only thing that had changed to possibly have caused the manic-like psychosis. I will soon have nothing treating my depression.

Over 41 thousand people will kill themselves this year. Most of them are people with mental illnesses.

There's a whole world of us and we're _dying_.

Please be careful how cavalierly you say 'there's a whole world of them out there'. We're not a 'them'. We're people, and we're suffering, and we're DYING."

.psa.

Jul. 22nd, 2017 02:28 pm
yuuo: (So I'm breaking the habit tonight)
My anti-depressant is supposed to be working, but the last two days, I've been so depressed that I'm forming suicidal ideation again.

For anyone going through this but doesn't like to talk on phones, text 741741. It's a Crisis Line, same as the phone ones, but you'll get talked through with text messages, instead of talking out loud. Good for a lot of reasons. Some of us have phone anxiety, and not everyone's in a position to be able to use an out loud voice at the moment they need the help.
yuuo: (Wherever I go I take you with me)
EEG results are in. I am Depressed. My brain shows no signs of physical damage. My working memory is surprisingly good. My attention is in the shitter.

At least it didn't come back "You are 100% okay you big faker mcfakeyson." Which was my fear.

My prolactin blood draw also came back, my levels were up in the sixties. Which means my prolactin levels match that of a very pregnant woman- it should be 2 to 29 ng/mL. So uh. Yeah. He's weaning me down off the Risperdone, and keeping me on the Latuda. We've removed the .5 mg midday dose, and will decrease more the next go-round.

We also started me on Fetzima ER, which is a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). Which is different from Zoloft, which is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). SSRIs are the more common ones used, but since I had a bad reaction to Lexapro many a moon ago, and the Zoloft stopped doing anything fairly quickly and didn't respond to dose changes, we're trying a different type. But, since Fetzima takes a month to kick in, in the name of not sending me to the hospital from feeling shitty, we're not taking me off the Zoloft until I've been on the Fetzima a month, just to keep me from dropping too much and too fast.

So, here's to hoping the Fetzima works, because I really need out of this depression spiral. (Can I say that I have a feeling getting my prolactin levels under control might help, too? Pregnancy hormones, yikes.)
yuuo: (Happy hurts sometimes)
We have a week! (For those of you new here, my profile states that I have schizophrenia, although it's more complicated than that. I'll put up a post... uh, maybe some time today, but at least during that week explaining the whole she-bang.)

Schizophrenia Awareness Week is May 17th through May 23rd this year. Our ribbon color is silver, although since I know most people don't have silver clothing beyond jewelry, if you wanna show support for us, grey will do in a pinch.

(Yes, I use the British spelling for 'grey'. I use 'theatre' too, instead of 'theater'. I have no idea why at this point. You're just gonna have to get used to it if you hang out around here.)

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