yuuo: (This is my family)
We are not alone. We are more common than AIDS/HIV. We are more common than multiple sclerosis.


Syd Barrett of Pink Floyd
Peter Green of Fleetwood Mac
Mary Todd Lincoln, Abraham Lincoln's wife


These are but three people in the long and rich history of humankind who have suffered from schizophrenia. Best known might be John Nash, famous mathematician whose story was told in A Beautiful Mind.

But not all of our experiences are like what is shown with John. Some of us are a bit more sedate. Some of us are violent, though very few. Some of us hear voices, but see no source for them. Still others see, but not hear. Both are terrifying.

We are not alone. We can be obscure, but we can also be very famous. Don't push us into the shadows.
yuuo: (Don't leave me like this)
Yeah, yeah, I know, I said I'd do something for Schizophrenia Awareness Week last month. Medicine changes and stress and plain old fashioned depression stopped that. I'll get to it some time. I can't promise when.

That said, I've got a pdoc (abbreviation for psychiatrist) appointment in about an hour and I'm not looking forward to it. I'm hoping he'll take me off the Risperdal entirely, leaving just the Latuda. I want to start getting off the Zoloft, too. But I'm scared we're going to maintain status quo, and that's not good enough. The progress is too slow. I want an increase in the Fetzima, a decrease in the Zoloft, and a cessation of the Risperdal.

I guess we'll see what the doc wants to do.

I miss Ritalin. This tired all the time nonsense is bullshit.
yuuo: (Can somebody help me?)
We'll start the week this year with a poem from my wife, describing the experiences I've related to her over the years. (This is in part to buy me time to do actual posts I've been promising. Good grief, at least I only have a week and not an entire month like breast cancer.)


Sounds Of Silver
By [personal profile] kuchenhexe

Isolation in a crowd is loneliest of all
Amid all the voices, whispers rise and fall
People press around you, faceless in a haze
If there's a method in a madness, then method's surely crazed.

Perhaps if you're a half step in a world where rain falls up,
You see what should yet never did sip from comprehension's cup.
Sad but true, far more are blinded, fully turned away,
Cloaked and draped in silver fog, dissolving in the gray.

From the cacophony jangle of a tumultuous crowd,
To the low insidious whispers when the silence is so loud,
Colors can be lovely, the silver fog can seem to be melody divine
But even Sirens are serene as you sink that final time.

As you hear the sound of silver, there's an echo of distress,
Schizophrenia is a burden, and its struggle gives no rest.
Because if you'll open up your eyes and listen close,
The sound of silver is repeating the call of the SOS's note.

Hear us, help us, don't forget us, tossed carelessly aside.
Put quality of life within our reach and bridge the fog's divide.
We're not the misconceptions that Hollywood likes to hear,
Money and tickets hand over fist preying on social fears.

Fund research to find new drugs to help us stabilize,
So we might leave the land of fog and have productive lives.
In this sound of silver, hear our cry, the SOS distress.
Don't sweep us under and forget us, we try our very best.
yuuo: (You either die a hero)
I found this post of mine on Facebook while going back, looking for pictures I'd uploaded from my phone so I could save them on my computer so I can delete them on the phone to free up memory and that was an unnecessarily long sentence.

Anyway.

Context is that there was a post asking about general cat craziness, I... think. I can't remember fully, but basically, someone ended up saying "I'm not schizophrenic, but my cat sure is!" in a context that suggested that the word schizophrenic was being used to describe a normal behavior of a 'crazy cat'. (We cat owners get that one.)

I chose not to reply to the person, as it was a stranger who replied on a post that a mutual friend had liked, so it ended up on my feed. I was very tempted to reply with "How do you know your cat has schizophrenia? /actual person with actual schizophrenia"

I was very tempted.

But, since I didn't have the spoons to deal with a whiny mcbutthurt that someone took offense at having their illness used in a derogatory way, I didn't say anything there. But I sure as hell went to my own wall and posted the following:

You know, I fully believe that cats can be neuro-atypical or have intellectual disabilities or mental illnesses. They're living creatures with brains. By definition, they can have such things.

I say George [middle child cat] is autistic because we can take his behavior and what 'parenting' tactics we use that he responds to, and take that information to an actual parent of an actual human autistic child and get confirmation. Autistic might not be the right word. But until we have expanded health care for cats, we'll never know any other word.

I say my youngest has ADHD because his behavior very closely mimics a young child with ADHD. I know this because I grew up with a child with ADHD.

However, I highly doubt that when you say "I'm not schizophrenic, but my cat sure is!" that you know what that even fucking means. Especially given the context. You are using the illness the same way people misuse OCD and bipolar. Unless you can accurately say that your animal's behavior differs from normal for its species in the way that you are claiming, you have no business comparing a probably normal animal to a person with schizophrenia.

Please, people, stop using schizophrenia to mean just plain ol' craziness. Those of us with the disorder can use it that way, because it is our word to use. We can give close friends permission to use it in context of talking with us, as again, that is our word to use.

But it most definitely is not yours, so leave it alone.


There's your dose of internet rage for the day. (I'll post about the zoo trip soon.)
yuuo: (Wherever I go I take you with me)
EEG results are in. I am Depressed. My brain shows no signs of physical damage. My working memory is surprisingly good. My attention is in the shitter.

At least it didn't come back "You are 100% okay you big faker mcfakeyson." Which was my fear.

My prolactin blood draw also came back, my levels were up in the sixties. Which means my prolactin levels match that of a very pregnant woman- it should be 2 to 29 ng/mL. So uh. Yeah. He's weaning me down off the Risperdone, and keeping me on the Latuda. We've removed the .5 mg midday dose, and will decrease more the next go-round.

We also started me on Fetzima ER, which is a serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). Which is different from Zoloft, which is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). SSRIs are the more common ones used, but since I had a bad reaction to Lexapro many a moon ago, and the Zoloft stopped doing anything fairly quickly and didn't respond to dose changes, we're trying a different type. But, since Fetzima takes a month to kick in, in the name of not sending me to the hospital from feeling shitty, we're not taking me off the Zoloft until I've been on the Fetzima a month, just to keep me from dropping too much and too fast.

So, here's to hoping the Fetzima works, because I really need out of this depression spiral. (Can I say that I have a feeling getting my prolactin levels under control might help, too? Pregnancy hormones, yikes.)
yuuo: (Happy hurts sometimes)
We have a week! (For those of you new here, my profile states that I have schizophrenia, although it's more complicated than that. I'll put up a post... uh, maybe some time today, but at least during that week explaining the whole she-bang.)

Schizophrenia Awareness Week is May 17th through May 23rd this year. Our ribbon color is silver, although since I know most people don't have silver clothing beyond jewelry, if you wanna show support for us, grey will do in a pinch.

(Yes, I use the British spelling for 'grey'. I use 'theatre' too, instead of 'theater'. I have no idea why at this point. You're just gonna have to get used to it if you hang out around here.)

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